Words are powerful.
Sharper than any two edge sward.
And, they say to write.
I write to release.
I write to tell my story
of all the pain I went through and go through.
But, when it comes to sharing-
being vulnerable, open-
I become a scared little sheep.
To be a public voice to let others know they’re not alone
is what I’ve always wanted to be and now when it becomes real-
I’m afraid.
Not of what people will think-
but of how people will treat me.
because- deep down-
I still have the complexed idea that I have to be perfect and put on a show
to present that everythibg is okay-
when that’s just a mask and a lie.
And, I was taught that lying is wrong.
Bad.
I was taught a lot of things that were twisted.
Truth became so skewed.
Here’s some real truth:
Abuse isn’t just physical.
Abuse is also emotional.
Neglect. Manipulation.
Emotional detachment.
Isolation.
Dismissiveness.
Control.
And, I don’t know if this is the right or wrong way to take my voice back-
when it’s still happening.
Because-
abuse is also leaving out things-
details-
on purpose.
Almost 30 years of this.
But- nope.
I’m done.
Once you realize a person is unhealthy-
you can’t unsee it and you need to create safe boundaries.
If they were healthy-
they would realize the healing they need…
God- I pray for them- I do.
And, God, I pray for me too.
Hurt peoole- hurt people-
Healthy people- hurt people- and realize their mistake- and apologize.
But- apology without action is not an apology.
And, the day I said, “No more!”, the memories came in like a dam breaking-
The emotional neglect.
The control.
The power they held over me.
Feeling like an object instead of a human being.
“Picture, picture, smile for the picture-
Put on your doll faces…”
“If these walls could speak…”
Trauma is literally trapped inside my screaming body
and yet, only one person has ever asked- “What happened?”
Because- as long as I stay silent-
they still win at their game they might not even know they play-
but, I’m not playing anymore.
I’m out.
I’m done.
I’m in my healing era-
And, I had to step away to get space to breathe
that I begged and pleaded for, that no one was giving me!
And, finally,
a year and a half later-
I’m finally out of survival mode-
working on ME!
Unlearning all the chaos.
Able to breathe.
Resetting my nervous system.
And-
They still try…
And- that’s why I’m speaking out.
Everything that happened to me was not okay!
And, when someone, with power, does nothing to help someone without a voice-
they are just as wrong.
And, if peoole would wake up and realize that abuse happend more then we want to awknoladged-
I think we would have the power to change the lives of those who need help the most-
Because, they end up with
C-PTSD,
Night terrors,
Addictions,
Trauma,
Pain,
Body pain,
Sickness,
Before someone else ends their life…
If we could recognize the mask-
the too good to be true-
the martyr-
the ones who use their own pain as an excuse-
if we could recognize this as a society…
we could save so many more kids and even adults
before the cycle continues.
Jesus<3MGP
2/3/2026
